[Walter looks nervous. He's not accustomed to certain sorts of attention, and while he would have eaten it up when he was younger, it's not something he's ready for. A discussion on scientific theory or perhaps even a presentation of his current favorite recipe would have been perfect, but no.]

Hello. My name is Doctor Walter Bishop, and I came here for the simple joy of discovery. Who wouldn't take the chance to study another planet, it's ecosystem, flora and fauna, the very nature of life outside our own realm of understanding? I am a scientist, it's what gives me the spark that keeps me breathing and my blood flowing. That's why I'm a bit confused by something... ah...

[He looks down, referring to a sheaf of papers in his hands.]

I'm not sure why, but someone has written something about me which isn't at all true. While I may have been a bit of a [he clears his throat] connoisseur of sexual relations when I was younger, I haven't delved into such things since my wife passed away twenty years ago. And certainly not with whom they've, ah, [He consults one of the sheets, narrowing his eyes at it] 'shipped' me with.

[He makes a face at the camera, somewhere between confused, unhappy, and a bit lost.]

Someone needs to explain this to me now.